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I was feeling a little down 'cause it was birthday, and let's face it -- I'm getting older. <sob>
Luckily, I look waaaaay-younger than my chronological age. Not a line or wrinkle graces my gorgeous face. (At least not yet, anyway, heh.) I attribute this to clean living. (Except for my apartment -- that's an utter mess!) Or maybe it's 'cause that portrait of me I had done is safely hidden away in the attic, heh.) My BFF Suzanne was taking me out to dinner to help me celebrate at my favorite New York City theme restaurant -- Jekyll & Hyde -- like she does every year. I knew I'd have a great time, but I was still feeling, uh, OLD. To cheer me up, she said we could first go to a bar in her neighborhood on the Lower East Side, since they gave free drinks on your birthday. She told me many bars do that. Hmm... I never heard of that policy, before. |
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I remembered that when I used to live in the Bronx Jahn's Ice Cream Parlour used to give free sundaes when it was your birthday. I also remembered that I never made it to Jahn's on my birthday, to get such a free treat. :-(
So a free cocktail? Sure! Why not! Maybe we could go to a WHOLE BUNCH O' BARS so I could get A WHOLE LOT O' COMPLIMENTARY DRINKS! This idea was definitely appealing to me! Then, I had a brainstorm! If bars give complimentary drinks on your birthday, perhaps I could get OTHER establishments to give me free things on my birthday! I phoned Suzanne and told her what I wanted to do. She laughed and said, "Hey, as long as it's YOU doing this and not ME -- okay." (Chicken.) |
 Graphic: Jahn's Ice Cream Parlour |
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I told her I planned to ask for a free subway ride to Manhattan... She replied, "You're going to do this BY YOURSELF?" "Yeah. Why not? I'm not exactly shy! Besides, I look great for my age! I'll just put on a ditzy voice, hold up my photo ID and say, "Hi. Today's my birthday. Can I ride the subway for free?" "Have fun. Don't jump the turnstile when they tell you no, you'll get arrested." (Very funny. Haha.) So, wearing a black low-cut sweater and mini-skirt -- with my traditional birthday tiara ensconsed firmly on my head -- off I went into Manhattan... |
 NEW YORK CITY METRO CARD |
The token booth clerk gave me a half-smile when I requested a free ride, and said no. I gave him a big pouty face, took out my Metro Card, paid my $2 and went through the turnstile. (Hmm... Why are they still called token booth clerks if we no longer have tokens in New York City? I'll have to research this.)
My first rejection. |
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As I sat on the train feeling depressed, a couple of young women wished me happy birthday. That was nice, so I felt better.
I finally arrived at my destination in Greenwich Village. I knew lots of people would wish me happy birthday, here! It's just that kind of neighborhood! Sure enough, every step I took I was greeted with another "happy birthday" wish from a stranger! |
 WEST 4 ST STATION SIGN |
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And now to try and scam, uh, I mean ASK for a free bus ride to Suzanne's neighborhood...
The bus was almost empty, and I gave the driver my best sweet coy smile, showed him my ID and said, "Hi. Today's my birthday. Can I ride the bus for free?" His reply: "I don't care." "I don't care"??? Geesh! What kind of an answer is THAT? Really! Fwiw, I took the free ride. $2 savings. (Actually, I didn't save anything. Subway-to-bus transfers have been free in New York since Metro Cards debuted.) Anyway, the driver didn't know I'd already been on the subway-- so it counts as a FREE RIDE! YIPPEE!!! Suzanne laughed when I told her about the apathetic bus driver. "I can't believe you did that by yourself. And you didn't even have any free drinks, yet! HAHAHA!" And speaking of drinks... We walked into her neighborhood pub, Lakeside Lounge. This was a very friendly place. How could I not score a free drink? Sure enough, I showed my ID to the bartender and said, "Hi. Today's my birthday. Can I have a free drink?" And yes, she gave me a drink! I was thrilled! It was a hot and humid day, so the vodka and cranberry got drunk quickly. (And so did I, lol!) A $6 savings! Suzanne stepped outside for a cigarette. When she returned, she handed me a can of tomato juice and said, "Happy birthday". I laughed and said, "Vodka and cranberry. I drink vodka and cranberry. Okay, seriously, why did you buy me a can of tomato juice?" |
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"I didn't. It just fell from the sky."
"What?" "Seriously! I was outside smoking. Suddenly, I felt something brush past my head and body, then hit my leg. I looked down, and there was this can of tomato juice." "Suzanne, you had two sips of your beer. It's too early in the evening to be telling such a silly story!" |
 Photo illustration: L. Fredericks; cloud art: Dick Kulpa TOMATO JUICE FALLING FROM THE SKY |
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"I swear it's true! It must be an omen of some kind! This can of tomato juice was meant for YOU! I want you to have it! Happy birthday."
"Uh, okay. Thanks." We both laughed and finished our drinks. Since I was feeling the affect of the alcohol, I figured I better get something to eat, before I get drunk and embarrass myself! But first, I needed something to read! We went into a newsstand at the corner of 14th Street and Avenue B, and I took out my ID and showed it to the guy at the counter... "Hi. Today's my birthday. Can I have a free newspaper? I want to read my horoscope!" He smiled and said, "Sure, pick one". I selected The New York Post, 'cause it was the lightest to carry. (I certainly wasn't going to lug around the Sunday edition of The New York Times, hahaha!) A 50¢ savings! I couldn't believe what the horoscope said! Check it out!
Is that a riot, or what?!!! Suzanne and I got on a bus and I showed the driver my ID and tried the free ride line, again -- but since this driver was young and cute, I added a twist... |
 NYC BUS |
"Hi. Today's my birthday. Can I ride the bus for free? And DON'T look at the year!"
The driver told me he couldn't let me ride for free, but he felt bad about having to say no. He tried to cheer me up and said, "You look 28!" That made me feel good and since he was cute, I gave him a kiss on the cheek. (No, the bus wasn't moving, lol!) |
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Suzanne said, "I can't believe you just did that! You kissed that bus driver!" (Hey, he was cute!)
Next stop was a pizza parlor on 14th Street and Sixth Avenue. I did my sweet coy smile, again to the young, cute guy behind the counter, flashed my ID and said, "Hi. Today's my birthday. Can I have a free slice of pizza?" |
 Photo: Suzanne |
He said, "You are very sweet and very pretty. I am going to give you something very sweet!"
He gave me five zeppole. With extra sugar. I LOVE ZEPPOLE! (With extra sugar!) This was a GREAT score! Worth, hmm... Well, zeppole are usually 6/$1, but he only had five left, so I'll say 83¢. (Hey, it's not the cost, it's WHAT the item is, and the odds of getting it for free!)
 ZEPPOLE |
| So, with zeppole in hand (actually, in bag, lol) I headed to the subway with Suzanne, to go to my birthday dinner! |
 Photo: L. Fredericks JEKYLL & HYDE ENTRANCE |
No free ride, but the I got a free drink at Jekyll & Hyde, and this time I was careful not to drink it as fast as the earlier one. ;-) Worth $8. Dinner was especially fun, here, because Jekyll & Hyde is a theme restaurant -- which means actors in costume wander around bothering people. (Now you know why it's my favorite restaurant! I fit right in!) |
 Photo: Jekyll & Hyde JEKYLL & HYDE ENTRANCE |
| Suzanne always gives me the greatest gifts for my birthday. She knows I like stoopid stuff, so I always get something wacky from her. |
 Photo: Jekyll & Hyde |
Past gifts include Wooly Willy; a two-headed skeleton; a siamese bendy man; a plastic albino bowler; Magic 8 Ball and a way-cool book of photos of old-time circus and sideshow freaks, called Monsters: Human Freaks in America's Gilded Cage.
This year's birthday gift was a Chicken Chucker. Who else but ME would love something like this?! Hahaha! |
 Photo: Jekyll & Hyde |
| I was starting to feel the affects of my second vodka and cranberry, so I was acting especially naughty with the "talent". ;-) |
 Photo: L. Fredericks JEKYLL & HYDE |
One of the actors was really attentive, and very funny and witty. They don't usually sing "Happy Birthday" to the patrons in this place, but this guy, did. Right at my table. And in a really great voice. I was impressed. (I was feeling no pain, either, lol!)
Care to guess what I did next? Yup. I kissed him. |
 Photo: L. Fredericks JEKYLL & HYDE |
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(On the cheek, I wasn't THAT drunk! HAHAHA!)
It was late and we were the last people there, so the actors were having as much fun with us as we were with THEM! We closed the place! :-) It was time to go home, and my last chance to try for a free subway ride. I showed my ID to the (heh) Metro Card clerk, smiled sweetly and said, "Hi. Today's my birthday. Well, at least for 45 more minutes. Can I ride the subway for free?" He smiled, looked at my ID and said, "Why should I let you ride for free, again?" "Because it's my birthday." He laughed, smiled again and said, "Happy birthday, Laura". Then, I heard a click... I figured he must've triggered something in the turnstile, so I tried it and sure enough, I went through! I GOT MY FREE SUBWAY RIDE! Worth $2! I was VERY happy! I really didn't think that was going to happen! |
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Total booty:
Bus ride - $2.00 |
 NYC SUBWAY |
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1933? Isn't that the very same year that Arthur Loose, the Rubber-Skinned Man appeared in Ripley's Odditorium at the 1933 Chicago World's Fair? Must be an omen! (Hmm... Wonder if Arthur Loose liked tomato juice?)
Anyway, what a fun birthday! I'm going to do it again, next year! I plan to start out much earlier in the day, and try many different types of establishments. And a few more bars. ;-) |
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